Well, it's that time of year again. The cold time. The giving time. The time where everybody's suddenly frantically searching for a good, midrange gift - one that says: "You probably got me something, so...here."

We at Speechwriters LLC are therefore proud to present The 2007 Everything Pack, a modestly priced gift pack of immodest proportions:

There's literally something in here for everyone. No CD player? Groove to the brushed cotton stylings of your brand new shirt. Allergic to cotton? Lose yourself in the hypnotic curling motion of your brand new slap bracelet. The possibilities are endless, and there's nothing to lose!